It's funny feeling the way I do. Tomorrow we find out if we're having a boy or girl. With three boys, that I love to death and would not change for anything, I've been verbal with my wishes this time around. I want a girl. There, I said it. I've actually said it alot. I've even been out shopping and picked up a couple girl things on sale, just in case. And when asked anything about children by a complete stranger (or those starring eyes wondering, "Is she? I don't know and I don't want to ask), they get the full story of I have three boys and I want a girl. I've even made a new friend at the bank this week who can't wait to hear the news Wednesday. I know of so many stories of all boys, then they have a girl! And so many of all boys, and more boys.
My due date is July 11, my birthday. Now, isn't that our first clue?! Isn't this my birthday present?
Parker has told me for several weeks now that it's a girl, and that Jesus told him. I love that. I showed him a little outfit and said, "If it's a girl, she will wear this." He said, "Well, she's going to wear it because it's a girl." Then he said, "You can just tell the doctor we don't need to look because I already know it's a girl." How does he know to say that to me? I love it!
I feel like this pregnancy is different, even though they all have been a little different, this has been the most unique. I feel like I'm carrying different and I'm fine eating chicken! I have hated chicken with all of the boys!
Is this all just in my head?
With all that said, I don't know how to feel. What if I'm wrong about this "hunch"? What if I've said too much, that I really want this baby to be a girl, and then it's a boy? Poor baby! And then, what if it is a girl?! How will I react? With the other three pregnancies, I've never been convinced I was having a girl, so I wasn't really shocked to see the sonogram and hear, "it's a boy". This time I know what I want to hear, but I know what I've heard three times before... can you tell what my mind has been consumed with? :)
Either way, it's a funny feeling.
My mind knows God has purpose for this baby and He knows what I need. He knows if I need that little girl in my life or if our journey has four wonderful boys that teach me new lessons everyday. He knows what this little one is meant to do in life, what it will be, the lives it will touch, and whether or not it will wear dresses and bows or ties and hats.
My mind understands this, but it just may take a little time for my heart and emotions to line up.
Such a funny feeling...
He knows and I do not. He is in control, and I am not. And that is good.
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